LEILA FADEL, HOST:
It was a sweltering June day at Glastonbury Festival in 2023. Scottish singer-songwriter Lewis Capaldi was on stage performing his massive hit "Someone You Loved," and he struggled.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
LEWIS CAPALDI: (Singing) I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to turn to.
UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Woo.
CAPALDI: (Singing) This...
FADEL: His voice cracked. One shoulder twitched uncontrollably - symptoms of his Tourette syndrome. He stopped singing. The crowd sang the track for him.
(SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING)
UNIDENTIFIED CROWD: (Singing) Now the day bleeds into nightfall, and you're not here to get me through it all.
FADEL: After that performance, Capaldi took a mental health break for nearly two years. Fast forward to this summer's Glastonbury, and Capaldi made an emotional return to finish that song.
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CAPALDI: (Singing) I let my guard down, and then you pulled the rug. I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved.
(CHEERING)
FADEL: Now, Lewis Capaldi's released a new EP called "Survive." When we talked, I asked him about his journey back to the stage. And I should let you know that part of our discussion includes mentions of suicide.
CAPALDI: That moment at Glastonbury, where I had a bit of a meltdown, at the time, felt like a really horrible thing and probably the worst thing that's ever happened to me in my life. But on reflection now and obviously having been away and sort of worked on myself and got myself to a point of being able to come back and come at it from a much healthier standpoint, I kind of look at it now and I'm, like, that needed to happen.
FADEL: Yeah.
CAPALDI: Otherwise, I would've stopped until the wheels sort of came off.
FADEL: What was happening then that you were dealing with?
CAPALDI: I'd really sort of worked myself into the ground making a second album. The success of the first album had really put, like, the fear of God into me, really, to be honest of like...
FADEL: Like, I have to match it. I have to do it again.
CAPALDI: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. That sort of fear of, like, oh, no. And if I don't do it again, you worry, oh, people will be like, one-hit wonder sort of thing. And I just really, like, let that get to me. And that was kind of propelling everything I was doing. I was, like, writing songs from a place of, oh, I need to have another hit rather than, oh, what feels right to write a song about.
FADEL: Yeah. And now you have this new EP out, and it's called "Survive."
CAPALDI: Yes.
FADEL: There's one track. It's called "The Day That I Die."
CAPALDI: Yes.
FADEL: And it starts, on the day that I die, tell my mother I was smiling.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE DAY THAT I DIE")
CAPALDI: (Singing) On the day that I die, tell my mother I was smiling 'cause I know that she'll be crying rivers wide.
FADEL: It sounds like a message to those you love after you're gone.
CAPALDI: Yeah.
FADEL: What was happening when you wrote these words?
CAPALDI: During that period of time when I was going through, like, sort of all just periods of making the second album and then having my Tourette's stuff and the anxiety, I was going to a doctor. And I was prescribed sertraline, which I think it might be Zoloft in America. And I was on quite a high dosage of it, and I was like, do you know, I need to get off this. And I never really had sort of end-of-life thoughts...
FADEL: Yeah.
CAPALDI: ...I guess, before. But coming off sertraline, I really found I was having, like, really, really dark days. And it was actually much later, thinking about that time when I was writing, I just thought, you know, what would you say to someone - I guess, a suicide note. What would I say to people if heaven forbid, like, I succumb to all those, you know, dark moments that I was having?
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "THE DAY THAT I DIE")
CAPALDI: (Singing) Don't cry. Don't cry on the day that I die.
It's still a weird one for me to talk about that song 'cause it's like I have to, like, preface it with, like, by the way, I'm fine. Do you know what I mean?
FADEL: Don't worry.
CAPALDI: I'm, like, everything's good now.
FADEL: But you have another song on the album that kind of does that, right? You have the title track, "Survive."
CAPALDI: Yeah, exactly.
FADEL: And it sounds to me like coming out the other side, the opposite message. I'm going to get up and try.
CAPALDI: Yeah, yeah. A hundred percent.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SURVIVE")
CAPALDI: (Singing) But when hope is lost, and I come undone, I swear to God, I'll survive if it kills me to. I'm gonna get up and try if it's the last thing I do.
"Survive" isn't my favorite song on the EP. I love it, but it was one of those things where I thought it was important that that was the first thing people heard. I don't want to come back and be like, I've had, like, a really dark two years, and I've been away. And the last time you saw me, I was really struggling. And here's a song called "The Day That I Die." So I wanted to, like, really have, like, a positive flag in the sand, sort of like we're back, and this is how I'm feeling, and this is how everything is.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "SURVIVE")
CAPALDI: (Singing) I'm gonna get up and live until the day that I die. I swear to God I'll survive.
I just wanted people to hear that from me, this message of, like, resilience.
FADEL: What's your favorite song on the album?
CAPALDI: Probably "The Day That I Die" - I just think in terms of lyrics, it's really where I want to be headed - not beheaded but be headed.
(LAUGHTER)
CAPALDI: It's really where I want to, like, head towards, in terms of, like, just really being as honest as possible, even if it's maybe, like, a bit uncomfortable.
FADEL: Your music is so emotional. It gets right at the heart of love and loss and grief and struggle, but you're also so funny.
CAPALDI: Thanks. Yes.
FADEL: I remember your Tiny Desk for us, where, you know, it's marked by like, oh, glad I didn't F that one up.
CAPALDI: (Laughter) Yeah, yeah, yeah.
FADEL: Do you think about incorporating that natural comedy into your music?
CAPALDI: Yeah, sometimes. I always look at, like, Sabrina Carpenter as an example. I think she's amazing at weaving in her, like, humor into those songs and stuff. And I'd love to be able to do that. But it's just, I got into a point of I'm the ballad guy. I'm just going to write ballads. For me, it became quite tedious. Like, I went into a room with some people, and I was trying to say to them about how I wanted to write something else other than a ballad. And I remember, like, this room of people who I love - they're all great people, but they were trying to convince me why I should be writing ballads. And I just felt this really disheartening thing of, like, I really want to branch out a little bit and push things. And to your point, I would like to sort of incorporate that a little bit more and be a bit more adventurous when it comes to songwriting. I'm really excited about the next thing, whatever that is 'cause I just feel like...
FADEL: Yeah.
CAPALDI: ...It's going to be coming from a completely different place. Do you know what I mean?
FADEL: Yeah. Lewis Capaldi's new EP, "Survive," is out now. Lewis, thank you so much and congratulations.
CAPALDI: Thank you so much.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ALMOST")
CAPALDI: (Singing) I swear to God I'm almost all right. I only think about you all the time.
FADEL: If you or someone you know may be considering suicide or is in crisis, you can call or text three numbers - 988 - to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "ALMOST")
CAPALDI: (Singing) ...Completely let you go almost. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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