Cindy Clemishire was just 12 years old when she says she was first sexually abused by her pastor in 1982.
Robert Morris was close friends with Clemishire鈥檚 family and had been staying at their home for Christmas, she said. During a car ride, Clemishire said Morris asked her to visit him in his room later that night.
She thought nothing of it. But Clemishire said Morris told her to lie down and close her eyes before he molested her.
Before returning to her room, Clemishire said Morris warned her: 鈥淣ever tell anyone about this because it will ruin everything.鈥�
She said it continued for more than four years. Morris went on to found Southlake-based Gateway Church, one of the largest megachurches in the country.
Clemishire, now 54, detailed the ordeal on a and later at a Texas House committee hearing in October, during which she said it took 20 years for her to understand what she experienced was abuse.
鈥淧eople think that it's about what happened physically to us,鈥� Clemishire told lawmakers. 鈥淏ut what actually carries on throughout our life is the disconnect that was made and the development that we missed out on both physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally.鈥�
鈥淚 was trying to make sense of my brokenness in my life and rebuild and protect my own children from child sexual abuse.鈥�
Morris left the church in the wake of those allegations. Since then, Gateway has also faced multiple unrelated lawsuits, a significant drop in attendance and church donations, and a dwindling number of church elders.
Head church elder Tra Willbanks addressed the findings of a four-month internal investigation into the now-disgraced Morris, which led to a criminal investigation.
鈥淲hat happened to Cindy Clemishire was heartbreaking and vile, and we denounce sexual abuse in all of its forms,鈥� Willbanks said.
The scandal surrounding Clemishire鈥檚 story rocked Gateway Church 鈥� but it was just among the first dominoes to fall in a growing number of scandals involving North Texas church leaders this year.
Since Morris鈥� departure, more than a dozen pastors and church leaders have been removed or stepped down due to sexual and physical abuse accusations.
The controversies sparked conversation about accountability against those in power 鈥� and the way churches handle abuse allegations.鈥�
Morris has not been arrested or convicted. He did not respond to multiple requests for comment.
Abuse is about power, according to Victor Veith, director of the Center for Faith and Child Protection at the Zero Abuse Project. Those power dynamics leave younger victims vulnerable.
But power and respect can also mean victims sometimes go unbelieved, and sharing an experience of alleged abuse can even change the way a community sees a victim they may know personally.
And when these kinds of accusations are leveled again a community leader or close friend, people can experience a sort of cognitive dissonance, Veith said.
鈥淲hen we see it, it's in our family, it鈥檚 in the church, at the hands of a pastor, a rabbi or college professor, or somebody else that we know, respect and revere,鈥� Veith said. 鈥淪o, our brain floods itself with memories of all the good things this person has done, and we block out all the countervailing information.鈥�
But when one victim comes forward, Veith said, it encourages others to share their stories 鈥� which is what could be happening in North Texas.
鈥淭ypically, when one person breaks the ice other survivors feel more comfortable now sharing their own history of trauma," Veith said.
Keeping watch
While allegations against church leaders and staff members vary, this pattern of accused church leaders is familiar to Amy Smith, who runs a blog dedicated to sharing stories of abuse victims 鈥� and helped Clemishire reveal the alleged abuse.
Smith has been running WatchKeep for more than a decade, and for her, the effort is personal.鈥�
Her family began attending Prestonwood Baptist Church in Plano during the 1980s. In 1989, youth music minister John Langworthy was quietly fired after child sexual abuse allegations.
But Smith said the church never publicly addressed the allegations or reported them to police.
鈥淗e left within a week, and he was gone,鈥� Smith said. 鈥淚t always haunted me, you know, but no one talked about it anymore.鈥�
Twenty years later, Smith's friends confided in her that they were also victims of Langworthy.
After that, she made it her mission to warn anyone who would listen.
Langworthy eventually confessed and was convicted in Mississippi, but only after he'd been hired at another church Smith also tried to warn.
鈥淚t shatters even your faith,鈥� she said. 鈥淭his person that was supposed to be the most trustworthy had betrayed our trust and it harmed some our friends.鈥�
That pushed her to continue finding and breaking stories about allegations against church leaders across the country.
Smith鈥檚 written about pastors like Scott Crenshaw in Fort Worth, who was accused of looking at inappropriate images online. He has not been arrested, but was fired from his position once the allegations came to light.
McKinney church leader David Scarberry was arrested in October on a family violence charge.
Another church leader, Marvin Scales in Waxahachie, was convicted of impregnating a 14-year-old child.
Smith said she she's seen the dark side of Christianity 鈥� but that's helped her understand her own faith and what she wants it to look like.
"What we're seeing is empowerment of people that say, 'this is not OK, this is my church,'" Smith said. "This is wrong."
Generational trauma
Researchers have found that abuse as a child can lead to what鈥檚 known as a cycle of abuse, in which some victims become the abusers themselves.
That鈥檚 what former Pennsylvania minister鈥疍uane Youngblood鈥痵aid happened to him. He shared his story on a podcast called Larry Reid Live.
Youngblood accused Dallas megachurch pastor T.D. Jakes of sexual abuse when he was a teenager.
鈥淗e pulled me to himself, wrapped his arms around me, and tried to kiss me,鈥� Youngblood said. 鈥淎nd in that moment, I literally died.鈥�
Jakes did not respond to a request for comment but has publicly denied the claims. Shortly after that interview, .
But as an adult, Youngblood himself was convicted of corruption of minors and sexually assaulting a teenager while working as a pastor.
While the religious world deals with growing scandals, Texas lawmakers say they鈥檙e working on ways to respond to abuse.
During Clemishire鈥檚 hearing, North Texas Rep. Jeff Leach said Texas needs to do more to protect victims 鈥� and he wants to get rid of nondisclosure agreements like the one Clemishire was offered.
Clemishire told lawmakers Morris鈥� lawyers offered her $25,000 in 2007. But only if she signed a non-disclosure agreement and took blame for the alleged abuse.
She said she declined because she wanted to tell her story.
鈥淚'm sitting here today because I did not accept that offer and refused to sign an NDA saying I couldn't speak about my life,鈥� Clemishire told the lawmakers.
A month later, Leach filed a bill that could increase the criminal penalty for people who knowingly cover up child sexual abuse.
鈥淲e are behind in where we need to be and where we should be,鈥� Leach said at the hearing. 鈥淎nd I fear if we don鈥檛 act, in a real meaningful and strong way, we鈥檙e almost going to become a sanctuary for these criminals who are preying on our children.鈥�
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